Family Psychology

Saturday, August 31, 2019

Adolescent/Youth August 31, 2019

Why do Children run away from their homes?

Playing Truant
Cutting Classes or Running Away from Home

Children run away from their homes

Truancy or running away from home comes under the behavioural disorder of an act of delinquency, which is almost as bad as lying or stealing. Fortunately in Asia the problem has yet not achieved the proportions that it has done in the United States, though cases of truancy are more frequent than actually running away from home. But as they say prevention is better than cure and it is always better to nip the problem in the bud.

Parents are the cause in Wealthy Children

Research reveals that the parents are normally the cause children playing truant in very wealthy families. Children are most at risk in families where money is given too much importance or where parents have no the time to inculcate the right values. Children are also of the impression that money comes in easily and that money can buy them everything in life. So why bother with school.

Let us take the example of fifteen-year old Pranav who hailed from a very rich family in Mumbai. He was not at all interested in school and would keep on doing badly in class. He was pulled up a couple of times by his teachers and as a result began to hate going school. Soon he started skipping classes on the slightest pretext. When his parents forcibly sent him to school, he found a way to pretend he was at school. When his parents finally caught on to his truant behaviour, they punished him by taking him out of school and making him join the family business. He realized his loss only much later in life when he found that the lowliest clerk in the company was more educated than he was and that he could not even hope to expand his business due to his lack of education. https://ranjith1977.blogspot.com/2019/08/Effective-parents.html

Schools to be blamed for underprivileged children

Whereas parents are the cause of truancy in the upper strata of society, it is the schools that are to blame for truancy and dropouts in the lower strata. Often a child from a poor family may not be able to afford all the equipment required by the school, like a compass box or paint box and extra uniforms and tends to come under constant scrutiny. He then begins to feel ashamed and conscious that he cannot afford the good things like the other children and tries to avoid them, the teachers and school on the whole. After this it is very difficult for him to concentrate on his studies and he becomes a drop out.

Restless children often feel confined

Some children basically find it difficult to sit in one place and concentrate for six hours a day, with only a few short breaks. They tend to get shifty and restless and generally end up getting punished by the teacher. At this point the teacher should be aware of what is really happening and try to make the class more interesting. Instead what normally happens is that the child gets constantly punished. He will try to avoid that particular class until he ultimately begins to bunk school entirely.

Streets can be so unsafe

This is a very grave situation because the child’s parents are under the wrong impression that the child is at school. He may actually be roaming the streets where he could be prey to gamblers, drug peddlers and other anti-social elements. These interactions, which initially start as friends to “hang-out” with while cutting school, could actually lead to serious problems such as drug abuse and addition, gambling or even visiting commercial sex workers. It is therefore extremely important for parents to be constantly in touch with the teachers about the child’s progress to avoid such situations and save a young life from being ruined.

Running away from home

But an even graver situation arises when the child actually runs away from home due to pressures or disharmony of any kind. Very often a child might feel extremely lonely or misunderstood and may have no close relative or friend in whom he can confide in. And when the pain becomes intolerable he might finally just get up and run away without caring about the consequences.

Take the case of twelve-year-old Vishal, whose parents were too involved in their own lives and never really cared for him. Vishal had a sister 10 years older than him. Despite the age difference, he was very close to her. But soon a time came when she got married and moved to a different city, Pune. After her marriage Vishal was completely broken. He was living in the house and under the same roof with his parents, but with little or no communication between them. Vishal was extremely lonely and depressed. He lost interest in his studies, and life in general. One day, Vishal just packed a few clothes and ran off to Pune, to his sister’s house. He felt that she was the only one in the family who really understood him and who cared for him. The parents were in a state of shock when they discovered he had run away. He didn’t see any reason for his behaviours, because they felt that they were providing him with the latest and most expensive games, giving him big sums for pocket money and allowing him to do whatever he wanted. What they didn’t realize was that he craved for their attention.

Given the intense social pressures of today, it is important that parents and teachers wore together to help children grow into happy, well-adjusted human beings. Teacher should be well trained in the basics of child guidance. Parents from their side should provide a harmonious atmosphere and emotional security for their children. This is the only way to delinquency acts and other behavioural disorders can be prevented.

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how to be effective parents August 31, 2019

Lying – How it begins in Children

Lying – How it begins in Children

Of all the various behavioral disorders that can affect a child, the worst are the delinquency acts. Acts like lying, stealing truancy and sexual offenses. They are the most difficult to accept or to deal with and require extremely sensitive handling.

But before we term a particular child a liar, we must be sure that the child is actually lying and it is not just his overactive imagination at work. Very often the child could have thought that a particular thing had happened even though this is not actually the case, but this does not necessarily mean that he is lying. He could have even had a realistic dream that he believes to be true like a robber coming into his bedroom or maybe even a dog or a cat. To us these might seem like little lies, but to him, with his limited experiences and different perceptions might be very real indeed.

Don’t brand your child a Liar!

Most children normally express what they feel very genuinely. It may seem like an overly exaggerated story or even a lie and then the child gets misunderstood and branded a liar. Be careful here because this would only serve to stunt his entire emotional development. If you cannot show him trust then he will ultimately lose confidence in himself and grow into a highly complexed individual.

Once this mistrust sets in, things only get worse when the parents ask his siblings or friends to verify what the child may have said. Or else some parents tend to put their child down in public saying that no one should believe his exaggerated stories. If this sort of attitude continues, then the child begins to doubt his own abilities for understanding events or situations and feels that he cannot distinguish between fact and fiction. Then he will gradually withdraw into a shell for fear of his disabilities (as he perceives it) being further exposed or being called a liar once again. Can you imagine what is happening to him on an emotional level?

Let us get one thing clear at this point. No child is a born liar. Nor does lying come naturally to a child until and unless he or she is forced into it. No parent would knowingly force a child into this kind of behaviour, but when a parent is too rigid or strict, the child feels pressurized to do anything to please him or her. If he feels that he has done something, which might not even be wrong, but he believes would anger his parents, then he would try his best to cover up the facts so as not to upset them. And then the first time he gets away with it, it simply encourages him to try it again and again until it becomes a habit or even second nature.

Finally, after a few months, if he happens to make a slip out of overconfidence, he is found out and branded a liar. But, by this stage it is too late as he is already an expert and is habituated to avoid punishment or even lie for no real reason or any kind of gain. So, it is important to nip this habit in the bud and not let it get out of hand, as once the child is accustomed to taking the easy way out, there is no stopping him.
Prevention is Definitely better than cure

The way out is not to set down extremely rigid rules or standards that your child may or may not be able to live up to so that he can have a happy, healthy childhood without any high pressures or expectations. In this way he will automatically respect the law and truth and not find it necessary to find a way out by lying. If the parents dominant attitude does not undergo a radical change the child might grow in to a liar who is ostracized and avoided by all. His future too would be ruined as no one would trust him or be able to do business or keep up friendships in good faith.

Parents start with White Lies

Some parents unknowingly encourage their children to indulge in white lies for their own convenience. Let us take the example of Mr. Sandeep who was trying to avoid a client by staying at home and calling in sick. He asked his wife to call the office for him. And of course, his little daughter was there, quietly observing the whole situation. But it got worse when the mobile rang and Mr. Sandeep asked his daughter to pick up the phone and say that her daddy was sleeping. Naturally the child would grow up to think that it is not absolutely necessary to be honest all the time and lies seem perfectly harmless.

Harmless exaggeration can quickly lead to a bad habit

Children even tend to indulge in white lies when they want to show-off in front of their peer group. They might give an exaggerated account of their own travels or of the gifts that they have received from their parents just so that they can seem one up on their friends. This kind of lying seems harmless to start with, but if not corrected it could become a bad habit and lead the child to lose trust not only in himself but in everyone else as well. He automatically assumes that the others around him must be doing the same thing so he is suspicious of everything that he is told. This basic lack of trust in everyone and everything around him, including himself tends to weaken his character and stunt his personal development.

Parental change in attitude is all that is required

Lying is one of the few behavioral disorders that can be completely avoided by the correct parental attitudes and the right upbringing of the child. So, make sure that you bring up your little one without unnecessary pressures and with lots of love, understanding and compassion.

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Monday, August 26, 2019

understanding the psychology of the family August 26, 2019

Family Communication Problems

Communication is very important to any relationship. It is how we work ou

Family Communication

t problems, learn about each other and strengthen our relationship bond. In a family, communication is a must. If you are going to resolve conflicts or solve problems, you have to communicate with each other. But when it comes to fostering and nurturing relationships, it is often the family relationship that is left wanting. So many times we take it for granted that our family will always be there. But as with any relationship, that without family takes work.

1. Everyone Gets a Turn: - In any discussion, it is important that each person gets a turn to speak. Many times, though, group attempts to discuss an important topic wind up with everyone trying to talk over each other. No one hears what the others are saying and nothing is accomplished. To ensure that everyone gets a turn, use a timer and give each person equal time to say whatever she feels, to talk about any ideas she may have and to ask any questions. The catch is that while that person is talking, no one can interrupt her. Family members can take notes if they like so that they can address things that are said when it is their turn to talk, but interruptions are not allowed.

2. Stay Focused: - Relationships can get emotional and erupt into hurtful exchanges that solve nothing. It is important that when you sit down for discussion, you stay focused on the topic at hand. Don't drag up issues that happened months ago or that have no relevance to the issue at hand. This type of dirty fighting leads nowhere helpful. If everyone stays focused on the problem and works toward a solution, things will go a lot smoother. Don't use communication as an emotional data dump. Instead, encourage sharing, exchanging ideas and finding solutions together.

3. Don't take it personally: -When you sit down as a family, communication should be about the issue. If someone shoots down your idea or says things that get under your skin, don't take it personally. If you do, you'll get defensive--and that is not productive. Don't take things to heart or internalize them, and don't argue. If you disagree with a family member, wait until it is your turn to talk and calmly explain your position. Try not to be defensive and don't try to put others on the defensive.

4. Avoid the Gripe Session: -The family relationship can be a tenuous one. Often you live together and spend a great deal of time together. When it comes to family, communication often leaves a lot to be desired. Keep your family communication healthy--don't turn it into a gripe session. If you have valid complaints, you can voice them, but if you are going to nag, whine and complain, you will get nowhere and simply waste your efforts.

5. Listen: -The most important element of effective communication is listening. Stop, close your mouth and open your ears. Sometimes people just need to vent and they need someone to be quiet and listen to them. If you stop and listen to your family members, you might surprise at what you hear. Listening is one of the most loving forms of communication that you can enter into. When you stop and listen to someone, you are sending him the message that you care about him and about what he is saying.

6. Don't assume: - Don't assume that the people in your family know how you feel about them. Words are very powerful when spoken. However, the words that you don't say can be just as powerful. If you are a parent, when was the last time you told your child that you love her? Or that you accept her or that you are proud of her? Say what you feel to your family members. Communication is not about assuming that they already know, it is about letting them know.

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